====================================================================== ========================== ======================== ======================== PEBBLES PRESS ======================= ========================== ======================== ====================================================================== ``The Straight Poop on Heather'' 24 October 1994 Vol. 1, No. 2 Editor-in-chief: Heather Contributing Editors: John & Marie Fashion Editor: Aunt Susan -- THE ROSS PEROT OF SLEEPING She sleeps through the night! She doesn't sleep through the night! She sleeps through the night! She doesn't sleep through the night! She's in! She's out! She's in! She's out! See, we thought she was sleeping through the night, okay? But then she started eating solid foods, and stopped sleeping through the night! (Another myth debunked.) For a while there, she kept rolling over onto her stomach and crying furiously to be rolled back. Finally we refused to keep doing this and she learned to fall asleep on her stomach (after untold quantities of copious crying). Another small victory. These days she goes to bed around 9:00, gets up around 11 or midnight to nurse, and sleeps until 6:30 if we're lucky. (But like all good desJardins-Parks, if we feed her then, she goes back to sleep.) -- TOP TEN FOODS "Tonight's top ten list is Pebbles' top ten foods." "That would be the top ten foods that Pebbles likes to eat?" "That's right Paul, these are Pebbles' top ten favorite foods. Are we ready?" 10. Avocados (not the way Daddy makes them, though, only in Hobee's guacamole) 9. Peas (she could get by just fine without these) 8. Apricots (but only if they're mixed with bananas or apples) 7. Green beans (surprisingly popular for a green substance) 6. Cereal (rice, barley, oatmeal, you name it) 5. Sweet potatoes 4. Bananas (jarred, fresh, mixed with apples, apricots, cereal, cantaloups, smeared on her face, any way you can imagine) 3. Squash (also her mommy's babyhood favorite) 2. Applesauce And the number one food that Pebbles likes to eat is: 1. Breast milk! -- COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT UPDATE Heather is becoming more and more goal-directed. Her primary motivator is her pacifier. That's the first object she learned to manipulate with any skill, and the first object she clearly desired when she saw it. She can now go from target recognition, through acquisition, rotation and insertion, to full sucking mode in under ten seconds. Impressive technology, yes, but we're working on streamlining the process, improving the efficiency, and reducing the overhead. Our goal: "0 to sucking in 6.6 seconds." Her stranger anxiety is becoming more pronounced. She's definitely been strongly attached to and aware of her mom since at least three months of age. Lately, though, especially when she's tired or fussy, she'll cling to me when she meets new people, and sometimes will cry if there are too many new people at once. She has a cute habit of smiling at a stranger, then burying her head in my shoulder. As long as I'm holding her, she's generally fine, but if I leave the room, she sometimes gets upset, and if I leave her alone with strangers, she definitely does NOT like it. (And we all know how Heather expresses her dislike. Anybody got earplugs?) -- MOTOR DEVELOPMENT UPDATE The sitting concept has been completely conquered. That's old news. Rolling is no problem (except during extreme sleepiness; see above). She wants to crawl. She really wants to crawl. Oh, if only she could crawl. Her kingdom for a crawl! If anything gets her crawling soon, it will be (of course) her pacifier. When she sees one out of her reach, every fiber of her being wants to get to it. She stretches for it, pushes like crazy with her feet, and sometimes looks at me as if to say "why can't I get to it when I want to so much?" Yesterday was another first -- she pulled up on my legs. She was sitting in front of me, and pulled right into a standing position. Boy, was she proud of herself! She laughed so hard she fell over. Ah, well. One step forward, two steps back. -- ALL THE POOP THAT'S S*IT TO PRINT Gone are the liquidy yet relatively inoffensive odor-wise breastmilk-based poops of yore. Here to stay are the solid, smelly, colorful poops of today's fruit-and-vegetable-eating Heather. New and improved? I think not. Need I say more? I hope not. -- BABY TALK Heather can be a real chatterbox when she wants to, but she's not really into babbling yet. Her favorite sounds are "GA!" and a scary hypersonic squealing that attracts neighborhood dogs. Once she perfected the raspberry, she decided to move on to bigger and better things (like "GA!") and we haven't heard many razzes lately. Yesterday she was mad about something and she really seemed to be trying to talk to us -- she scowled at us and was saying "ahnga!" repeatedly. Anybody have the Baby Dictionary? We can't find it. -- STEPPIN' OUT Well, okay, more like "being carried out." Welcome to our newest feature, the Soo Hyun Fashion Column. In case you didn't know, she's the best-dressed baby at day care (or anywhere, for that matter), thanks to frequent gift packages from shopper and aunt extraordinaire Susan and "I hate to shop, but when it's Heather it's fun!" Grandma Mary. At the day care, they must think we buy disposable clothing, since she never wears the same outfit twice. These days she's moving up from rompers and into t-shirts and leggings. A recent colorfully outrageous, yet attractive, outfit consisted of purple earth-toned patterned leggings and a violet Piglet onesie (*). (Clothing donated by Heather's favorite haberdasher, Aunt Susan, and combined by the tacky yet dashing Daddy.) (*) For the uninformed: a "onesie" is a t-shirt that snaps at the crotch. Parenting requires an entire new vocabulary. -- CARDS AND LETTERS We have been swamped with glowing reviews and eager subscribers-to-be. We're still sorting through the mail bag (I think Heather ate some of the tastier items, so it may be a while). Meanwhile here are some of the exciting suggestions and comments we've received. > From: "SUSAN E. DESJARDINS" > Where's the discussion of wardrobe issues? I believe this to be of > paramount importance, especially when discussing the relative influences > of various relatives. (i.e. ME). Not to mention the fact that fashion > articles are pretty much a prerequisite of any news letter. Size updates > could be appropriately placed here as well. Darn tootin'! But we say: "Put up or shut up, Aunt Susan." Susan is now the official Fashion Editor of the Pebbles Press (notice the masthead!) However, she seems to think that her piddly little day job is more important than her editorial responsibilities, so we're thinking about firing her. In the meantime, we've put together a little fashion column of our own. (Naturally, we don't have the shopping, spending, and accessorizing expertise of our ne'er-do-well Fashion Editor, but we've done what we can.) > From: nomi@arris.com (Nomi Harris) > Pebbles Press is definitely the best publication about Heather > Elizabeth desJardins-Park that I've encountered, but there was a > conspicuous lack of coverage of Her Majesty's bodily functions. For > example, in the description of Heather's difficulty holding herself in > a sitting position, you neglected to describe the fact that, after > collapsing forward, she leaves behind a small puddle of spit-up. And > where are the vivid descriptions of Heather's bowel movements that one > would expect in an otherwise comprehensive publication? I'm sure John > would be happy to contribute a "Poop Scoop" column to Pebbles Press. > --Scatalogically Stymied in SF Thank you for bringing up this issue! While John is obviously the ideal person to take charge of this area, he is too lazy, er, I mean, too busy, to get around to it. We've made a pathetic attempt at covering this area, as it were (See "All the Poop that's Sh*t to Print") but we hope we'll have John with us for his (literally) colorful descriptions of the odoriferous, texturally diverse, multicolored extravaganzas that are Heather's poops. (We're also looking into Aroma-Matic technology for a true multi-media experience in the next issue.) In the subscription department, we've been swamped with requests. The National Information Infrastructure will soon collapse under the weight of the Pebbles Press traffic. > From: burstein@BBN.COM > > Thanks for the poop, er, scoop. Please sign me up for a full trial > subscription at no extra cost to myself. Somebody seems to have misinformed you about the subscription terms. You actually think we can distribute a publication of this quality for FREE? Dream on. Your bill will be in the mail. > From: > Dear Sir or Madame: > > Ronald Parr of U.C. Berkeley forwarded the inaugural issue of > "Pebbles Press" to me recently. I was so impressed by the quality of > reporting and the level of journalistic integrity that I wish to > subscribe to this most noteworthy publication. Well, who wouldn't? (We will overlook the grievous infringement of our copyright that was incurred by Mr. Parr. Suffice it to say that our lawyers will be in touch.) Keep those cards and letters coming! Remember, letters may be edited for content or length (or simply because we think it would be amusing to do so). -- STAY TUNED for the next installment! Same baby time, same baby channel. Our next project will be to figure out how this darn scanner works and get some gif images out there for you.